JC and the Sunshine Band

A spiritual vacuum hoovered my formative years. Although reared a heathen, I now view my lack of religious indoctrination as a benediction. I may have been raised by Wolves, but when I finally escaped, I managed to smuggle out a few precious possessions, including a tabula rasa, onto which I could truly write my own path.

I have spent the past fifteen years looking for God. It took me about five years before I could speak the word "God" clearly, pushing it past the phlegm of my contempt. I fancied myself an existential intellectual who viewed the bible as a nice myth for all the brutish masses who needed that particular opiate.

I dabbled in astrology, shamanism--before I learned how offensive it is for white people to glom onto Indigenous cultures and religions as a hobby--philosophy, A Course in Miracles, past life readings, psychic classes, tarot, Buddhism, Reiki, Taoism, you name it. I read every New Age and spiritual book that caught my fancy.

I am not disparaging anything I found along the way. [Well, except for maybe the Celestine Prophesy. iridology and some of the marshmallow people I encountered--more about them later.] In fact, through these teachings, I jury-rigged a workable belief system for myself.

I believe everything is an expression of God (All that IS), that our souls reincarnate many lifetimes, each time finding our "entity mates" (those folks you feel you've known forever the second you meet) and working through life's lessons until we eventually become enlightened. When we are new to the planet, we don't know right from wrong and we incur a lot of karmic debt, which we repay over many other lifetimes. [And don't try to get all mathematical on me about the number of people who have lived on the planet versus current population . . . As many souls as are needed are created, out of the void, the Tao, whatever.]

Anyway, I believe that we are not made of matter but of energy, as is everything else. I believe we can access this energy (or "chi," "ki," "prana," "the quantum field," whatever name you like) for healing and organizing our lives with our attention and intention. Learning how to harness and be a channel for this energy in the form of Reiki changed my life.

During these experiences I went on many a guided meditation and journey, on a search for my "spirit guides."

I was mortified the first time I met up with Jesus Christ in a guided meditation. I had associated him with organized religion, which I viewed as narrow, rigid and controlling. But there He was, taking my hands and enveloping me in the most beautiful, loving presence I had ever experienced. I thought maybe it was a fluke, that I had some repressed Christian influence; my slate wasn't clean after all.  However, over the past decade or so, after countless teachings, meetings and other experiential learning, I have resolved myself to the fact that Jesus is my teacher for now. That is hard for me to write, even still, as glaringly, vulnerably uncool a declaration it is. But I have vowed to be brave and honest with you, patient readers!

I believe Jesus lived, taught, attained the Christ consciousness, (as did the Buddha, Krishna, many others, as can we all) was crucified but then survived and lived out his elder years in India, then died, and his ascended soul continues to live on in "the field," where any of us can access Him for guidance. My Jesus has nothing to do with dying for our sins, the Passion of the Christ, the Second Coming, Judgment Day and all that fundamentalist crap.

He teaches profound, radical, astonishing love, forgiveness and acceptance. He is not a judging, stern parental figure. His visage is pure, radiant, smiling, patient love. Now that I am finally comfortable with Jesus, we converse, we laugh, and he always gently guides me back to a loving place when I am lost.

Vacuums must be filled, that is their nature. What random debris and detritus we stick into the sucking void is a matter of individual choice.

Why not choose love? Who better to teach love than JC? Do you have a personal relationship with him? Have you met him? WWYDIYD? Would you do as I did--first blink in cynical disbelief, then keep an open mind and slowly warm up and thaw out, finally letting him in to unpack and make himself at home in the sacred realm where your spirit resides?

Comments

[Jas...]

I know you wrote this back in September, but I just came across your site from Rednaked's and I'm floored! Your beliefs and words are pure inspiration. I have also gnostically studied many different cultures including shamanism and wicca, born a christian, but left religion when my questions couldn't be answered. I have met my spirit guide, and her name is absolutely beautiful to me.

I think it's fascinating that Jesus is teaching you as he does so many others. Of course he has time for you, since time doesn't actually exist outside the physical realm.

Anyway, don't mean to lavish you in all this! I'm just very interested in what you have to say! I love your site and threw it up on my blog! Hope you don't mind too much!

:D

[Jayne]

: ) Thank you for your kind words. You made my day as I have been feeling very vulnerable for putting it all out there lately. I will enjoy reading more on your blog soon, happy vacation!

[olivia]

I love this post - I was raised a Christian and while I am most familiar and comfortable with that belief system (though also in my own way), I have always had great interest and respect for most any other faith (as long as it doesn't involve violence [which is one reason I DO NOT subscribe to Bush's "Holy War" type of religion])
What I liked most was your comment about everything being energy - there is a scientific theory (hotly debated) called "String Theory" (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/elegant/) that agrees with your thinking. Pared down, this theory says that we are all basically the same as the energy that's put out from a vibrating violin string and somehow a beautiful hamrony comes together called "you."
Well, I could go on about this forever, but I guess I should do that one my own blog :)
At any rate, it is always good to hear such good stories of people finding their own path to their own faith.

[Shephard]

I came back to your site, clicked on 100 factoids, and ended up at this post. Nothing you've said here surprises or chafes nor is it new to my own ears. I don't tend to share things that require such specialized understanding, thus inviting ignorant criticism (in my blog). Seriously brave and admirable. On my better days, I reach for that unapologetic honesty. Enjoyed reading part of your "journey." Good for you for sharing what touches your life. :) ~S

[Jayne]

Olivia: Welcome! Thanks! Interesting theory. Yes, please write more about this and other spiritual theories . . . ; )

Shepard: Hey! Thanks for stopping in. I haven't really gotten any ignorant criticism; if I did, I'd try to not take it personally (one of the 4 agreements, no?) I'm sure what I write about turns a lot of people off, but I'm sure that would be the case no matter what I chose. Might as well choose what moves me, I figure. . . anyway, hope to see you around!

[Kris]

Okay, this post is over a year old...but I'm a late-bloomer.

W.O.W. Just wow.

I'm not sure how I got to your blog - I'm guessing through a sidebar link on a blog of someone who reads you? - but I am so glad I did. I'd join your church in a heartbeat. =)

On the subject of Jesus as Guide - one of my best friends for many years, who didn't dally on the path we find ourselves on together, told me that during one of her first meditations to meet her Guides had Jesus walking towards her. She also was somewhat surprised, but has a Christian background that she has been able to combine beautifully with the journey she is now on. It was easy for her. I have to admit I have not encountered Jesus in my meditations, but I expect to one day. We're friends from way back.

Looking forward to reading more.