Check Out the Big Brain on Jayne

Good God do I love to give advice. Telling other people what to do, while my own life often remains in chaotic shambles, gives me even more pleasure than receiving public adoration.

I am considering starting an advice column. Topics on which I feel equipped to advise are legal problems, relationships and spirituality. I am a lawyer and trained mediator. Any legal advice given will of course be accompanied by disclaimers up the wazoo (that's not as uncomfortable as it sounds, with proper lubrication).   

And by "equipped" of course I mean: 1) I have a blog, which fact alone makes me, as I've stated before, a de facto holy, authoritative and wise person; 2) I am over-educated and clearly an under-achiever in that notwithstanding "practicing" law for 10 years, I'd rather sit around and give free advice than return my paying clients' calls some days; and 3) because the whim strikes me.

Because I never could, I won't even try to top Pops' analysis of blogging:

. . . blogging in and of itself ranks somewhere between masturbation and Battlefield Earth on the scale of the World's Most Self-Indulgent Projects . . .

There you have it. Ask away. You can e-mail me with a "fake" (as in not your everyday alias) name but if you want free legal advice worth anything, (don't think too hard about that one. . .) knowing your state might be helpful.

I am serious. But will answer non-serious questions, too. Hell, I might even start making up questions; I've done it before so you know I'm not above doing it again.

PS The title for this post, as you probably know, is from Pulp Fiction: "Check out the big brain on Brad!" I think it was uttered shortly before Brad was shunned from blogging and lived the remainder of his life wandering in exile, regretting ever floating the idea of starting an online advice column. Or something like that.

Comments

[Hill]

Quite frankly, and I mean this in all seriousness, I have yet to encounter a person (blog-related or otherwise) in recent years, who I think would give better advice! Just the fact that you can complete interestingly worded and gramatically correct sentences puts you miles above most of the people I have met lately.

((Sorry...residual bitterness from taking up residence in the "deep South" for the last couple of years.))

Go 'head, girl!

[Pops]

I have a legal question: after reading the quotation from an old post of mine in your blog, I'm wondering: how do I do it? I'm very impressive.

Also: can I sue you for quoting my blog? I know you gave attribution, but I'm feeling litigious. Unless that's not how you spell that word, then I'm feeling something else. Drunk.

[Jayne]

Hill: Thanks, girl! You forgot to e-mail me your PayPal account info, though, so I can send you the $20 I owe you for saying that.

Pops: Legal Question 1: I have no idea how you do it, but I suspect pharmaceuticals. Watch out for the side-effects, though, which include delusions and litigiousness.

This brings me to Legal Question 2: Of course you can sue me. Anyone can sue anyone for anything, that's what makes America the greatest country on earth! But you'll lose and I'll get to recover costs for having to defend your drunken frivolous lawsuit. Bring it.

[Princessa Moans]

Legal advice is boring. Start a sex column!

I can personally say I have benefitted from your advice more than most. Here is what I want advice on: How do you protect a someone from someone else when none of it really is your business, but you feel strongly compelled to have or try to have a role or some control in a situation that does not concern you?????

Read your Mac email for more info on that sucka.

Love
Princessa Moans

[Jayne]

Princess!: I can't believe my BFF has actually deigned to make a BFT ('bout fucking time) appearance on my blog! Sex column? Believe me, my legal advice is a lot more interesting these days. A sex column from me right now would be like Bush writing a truth column. But you never know what the future might hold. . .

Dude, you KNOW I am your soul sister in control freakery and enablement (I don't care if that's not a word) but these are 2 adults with a harmless issue between them to work out. Stand back on the sidelines with a top shelf margarita, rocks and salt like we like 'em, and enjoy watching these trains awkwardly collide. But since you NEVER follow my advice, I know you'll be giving him the heads up and a sly Plan B so he can choose to get off the tracks and that's okay, too.

[Neena]

Hey, this has nothing to with anything here, but how did you like Barbara Kingsolver's "Small Wonders"?

(In the meantime, I'm composing a huge list of questions for the free legal advice).

[Jayne]

Off Topic But Separated at Birth So Thus Forgiven Neena: I liked it. She's left of Lenin, like me, though. It was written specifically in response to 9/11, so parts are a bit jarring. She's a fantastic writer, though, and I love essays (which must be why I love blogs--my attention span can handle it) and she goes from the personal to the political, from science (she's a biologist, talks about GMOs, etc.) to society and I can recommend it.

[Neena]

I've read most of her other stuff. Have you ever read Terry Tempest Williams? (sorry to turn your comments into e-mail).

[Jayne]

Neena: Negative. Is that the title of a Barbara K book that has somehow eluded my attention or a whole new author we're on now? Are we off-topic squared now?

E-mail, comments, whatever, you know I'm an attention whore; not the least bit picky about the delivery methods (or attention span) of said attention.

[Neena]

Off-topic squared now, yes. Terry Tempest Williams is a different author. She's an environmental activist, and excellent writer, and reminds me some of Barbara Kingsolver sans fiction. I think you might find her writings fine. Just a guess.

[robmcj]

You've given me an idea for an under-achievers' tag or competition. There's a lot of us about.

[Jayne]

Robmcj: under-achievers' competition? Hmmm. . . good luck with that! ; )

[Jayne]

Neena: Oh and I will check out the book rec, thanks!