DESTINY! DESTINY! NO ESCAPING THAT FOR ME!

A maxim I like to throw around on occasion is that anyone can date Frankenstein for six months. In the early stages of a relationship, we project all of our fantasies on to this new perfect person, and we are on our best behavior. Everything is thrilling . . . and mostly a lie.

Then the honeymoon is over, you see who is on the other side of the bed, and are SHOCKED that your little puddingkins is not perfect. Oh, the stinging betrayal, the crushing disappointment. Then we must decide whether to chase the thrill of a new relationship or hunker down and "settle" for Mr. or Mrs. Right Now.*

I have been blogging for six months now. I think the honeymoon's over. What kind of monster have I created? Who the fuck are you people? Do you ever hate, dread and resent blogging, get annoyed with most other bloggers, (those other bloggers, silly, not the ones listed on my sidebar) can't stand how you might be perceived? (I want to be empowering but then I feel like a preachy arrogant fool. Why do I do this? How self-absorbed can a person be?)

Mad, mad love to you all. Sorry, I just woke up and saw who I was in bed with, that the socks are on the floor and someone spilled a whole mess of whine on my carpet. It's a bit of a shock, but I do hope we have a long and prosperous relationship once I adjust to this new reality. I fear I'm in it for the long haul, there's no escaping. Most days, I see the positive aspects and love this country of Blogistan (to quote Jaquandor.) Just not today.

[Update: I'd been looking for and finally found this quote from Pops as he summed up bloggers so . . . strangely yet aptly and this is the mood I'm in: "I don't have anything approaching contempt for bloggers, you people in particular. I love bloggers. How could anyone not love bloggers? We're the helpless, fuzzy, co-dependent, happy parasites on the back of the two-headed beast that is snarling, all-devouring Infotainment. We're sort of a cross between a spaniel pup and a tapeworm. Adorable."]

* Obviously, this scenario does not apply to my relationship with my husband. He is Apollo. I cannot look at him directly for long because I would go blind from his glorious radiance. He has the intelligence, patience, kindness of a Saint and his job -- helicopter pilot, hello -- is so cool and manly that he has a picture of an enormous penis embossed on his business card. And he never ever leaves tea bags in the sink or forgets about trash day or leaves chapstick in his pockets to melt and thus stain my clothes when I do laundry.

Comments

[Jayne]

What, no Young Frankenstein fans? Sorry so cranky. Got it out of my system.

[SBW]

This post made my day. I almost felt out of my seat laughing when I saw "Who the fuck are you people?".

My Frankensteins only last about 6 weeks max though. Normally for a much shorter time. What I lacked in quality I made up for in quantity I suppose.

As for how I feel about other bloggers, it's a love-hate relationship. I love blogging, it's my only interaction with people besides my family on most days. Yet can you believe that, just as I am in real life, I don't say certain things on my blog that I really want to talk about because I'm scared people won't like me? How crazy is that? I didn't realize just how insecure I really was until I started blogging (ok, I knew about this character flaw of mine already, don't rub it in). Funny how we learn things about ourselves sometimes.

[Pops]

I actually hate blogging most days. I look to my daily posts with a combination of dread and murderous resentment. But the people... they need me. Those fucking, fucking people.

[Laurie]

LOL.. your hubs sounds like quite a guy!

Six months seems like the time most bloggers hit the wall, burnout, or whatever. You either get thru it or you give up. I've seen it happen so much lately, it seems.

Glad you're sticking around :-)

[Dick The Boomer]

I love that quote from Pops. It seems many bloggers are going through a slump right now. Maybe it's seasonal mood thing. For me it's not so much, "Who the fuck are you people," as it is "Who the fuck am I and why the hell am I doing this?"

[Melissa]

Jayne, this is EXACTLY how I have been feeling all week. Hence, my post yesterday in which I describe myself as being in a funk. Sometimes I feel like my blog has become a chore, instead of a hobby, and I get a little resentful. I know I just need to loosen up and realize that I don't HAVE TO write every day and not EVERY SINGLE POST has to be amazingly witty or smart. I'm sure it'll come back to us both.

[Edge]

I've broken through to the other side, meeting people, talking to them, trusting and being trusted, writing my address and phone number on the blogroom wall. Took away the feeling of wasting my time with something that wasn't real, because now it is. Go see Stella, she has her groove on and the debate will remind you why you are here.

[Jayne]

SBW: Thank you for reading this the way I intended it! Yes, I love blogging but I do box myself in at times and start feeling resentful. Goofy. I totally agree, this medium is like a mirror, shows us a lot about ourselves (this is usually a good thing!)

Pops: Yeah, those fucking, fucking people . . . without whom we would be rocking back and forth in a corner, muttering incoherently to ourselves. More than usual, anyway.

Laurie: Glad to know I'm not the only one. I actually prefer reality to the honeymoon most days, though it can be a rude awakening.

Dick: Well said! I was having anxiety about both myself and YOU PEOPLE. Whom I adore, really. And yeah, that fucking Pops and his fucking way with words, grrrrr.

Melissa: Totally hear you. It should be fun. When it's not, it's okay to step away. People like you and me, we have a lot we will just HAVE to express, eventually. I'm not too worried . . .

Edge: You are right; I feel connected to many of you and know there are at least a few real friendships developing here. This post was triggered by my spending 4 or so hours reading a whole lot of blogs that didn't "speak" to me, I just got to clicking and wandered around in some neighborhoods I didn't belong and felt alienated. My own damn fault. Love that Stella.

[Pops]

Any post that quotes me is by definition Awesome. I do concede that I may not be entirely objective on this point...

[Amethyst Rising]

Brilliant...
It goes through my mind at least once or twice a week to just disappear off the blogging radar... But, like so many addictions, I slink back, to afraid to lose the tedius connections I have here...

[Shephard]

Once again, you're blogging an almost identical sort of feeling that I had early on in blogging. I do know where these feelings come from. Early early on in my blogging experience, I spent 4 hours reading blogs, and it made me feel so heavy and weighted down by all the self-congratulatory bitchiness, negativity, sniping and bitterness, that I was in a funk at the end of it.
I got out of the funk though, and since then, haven't felt that way. Below is the post I'm referring to, if you're curious about the resolve. .

I'll be back on the blogosphere Monday. :)
~S
http://shubertalleyshephard.blogspot.com/2005/09/coughing-up-dark-side.html