Taming the Elephant

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time

- T.S. Elliot

It occurred to me this morning that I have spent the past year consuming one self-help or spiritual book after another in a frenzied, prolonged binge intended, I suppose, to induce enlightenment. I read six books over the past four weeks. I savored none of them.

I am stuffed. I am done reading. I have everything I need now to stop "learning" and begin listening. I am having an identity crisis, but the best kind. I feel as though the last two books I read began dismantling some of my self-delusions in earnest, and I am curious to see how I reassemble myself.

If you are on a spiritual journey, I will highly recommend these two books (links on my sidebar), A Hidden Wholeness, the Journey Toward an Undivided Life by Parker Palmer, and The Happiness Hypothesis, Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom, but Jonathan Haidt.

In A Hidden Wholeness, a graceful, quiet, gorgeously written book, Palmer discusses the pain of living a divided life (when we are not invested in our work, we remain in relationships or circumstances that kill our spirits, we harbor secrets to achieve personal gain at the expense of others, we hide our beliefs, etc.):

The divided life is a wounded life, and the soul keeps calling us to heal the wound. Ignore that call, and we find ourselves trying to numb our pain with an anesthetic of choice, be it substance abuse, overwork, consumerism, or mindless media noise. Such anesthetics are easy to come by in a society that wants to keep us divided and unaware of our pain--for the divided life that is pathological for individuals can serve social systems well, especially when it comes to those functions that are morally dubious.

Much of the book is dedicated to the practice of holding a "circle of trust" in which a person is truly heard (without advice, setting straight, fixing, etc.) in a way that invites the soul (our inner teachers) to speak our truths.

Palmer describes the soul as shy, similar to a wild animal. It needs silence, respect and honoring to reveal itself. The depth of community that is possible (and practiced) that Palmer describes makes my heart ache with a profound longing. It also made me realize how much I rush in to "fix" and "advise" instead of quietly listening to the wisdom of others. What arrogance!

The second book I recommend was quite insightful, comprehensive, mature and witty. I fancy myself somewhat of an armchair psychologist and am particularly interested in the [relatively] new field of positive psychology, which focuses on how humans may thrive instead of merely cataloging pathology.

I have conducted a considerable amount of research into happiness and am relieved to have found practically the definitive resource on the topic with Haidt's The Happiness Hypothesis. I dreaded picking up yet another book given my recent self-help bender but this was my last one. I sighed and wondered whether this would have anything for me in it. I opened the book to the first page, the dedication page, which simply says, "For Jayne." I laughed and took that as good a sign as any.

Weaving together psychological, sociological, biological, philosophical and spiritual principles throughout the ages and including the most provocative modern studies, Haidt illustrates clear ways to increase one's happiness and illuminates how most wisdom in these matters has been repeated by just about every school of thought from the Bible to Greek philosophers, from Hindu teachings to Dr. Phil.

The enduring metaphor Haidt employs regarding our sense of self is that of a rider on an unruly elephant, where the rider is our relatively recently developed logical, reasoning, consciously controlled thought and the elephant represents everything else.

The elephant includes the gut feelings, visceral reactions, emotions, and intuitions that comprise much of the automatic system. The elephant and the rider each have their own intelligence, and when they work together well they enable the unique brilliance of human beings. But they don't always work together well.

Haidt goes on to describe and explain our frustrations at failing to maintain self-control, among other "failures" when our elephants aren't tamed. The results of some of the cited studies, particularly about how thoroughly and convincingly we delude ourselves to justify our behavior, hypocrisy and positions are fascinating.

There is just so much in this book; I had so many "ah-ha" moments . . . and one watershed realization that I am not such a big loser when it comes to self-discipline. I just need to spend some time taming my unconscious mind, like everyone else.

If human behavior and increasing your happiness and the quality of your life and experiences interest you, I'm going to call this one a must-read. I will be returning to the principles in this book more specifically soon, I am sure.

Particularly now that I am DONE reading (these kinds of books anyway) for a good long while.

Comments

[Neena]

NO! You can't stop reading and recommending! Actually, I've been enjoying "The Field" and will hopefully finish it tonight. Also, I've been holding off buying "The Happiness Hypothesis" until I get through some of the books I already have, but now....

thanks a lot! (really)

[Shephard]

They sound like great books. Looking forward to your referencing them in the future.
~S

[Popeye]

Palmer really is awesome. One of his books kind of helped save my life, once. I hope yu get to read some fiction in the inbetween. That always helps me out a whole lot. I'm getting to read Flannery O'Conner again and then mourn that she's dead. I rally think that she and I would have been great friends. . .

[Theresa]

As much as I enjoy reading your book reviews, I enjoy learning about your process of self-discovery even more.

[caroline]

what Neena said...take a break maybe some good mysteries? A novel? I've got a few that I can wing your way for a circulating book loan society...only say the word. Hi to the Pilot, too...

[Edge]

You should order the Hellsbackbone Grill book
talk about positive
it's heartening
and you can just pick it up once in awhile, I love books like that

[David Thorough]

Thanks for those recommendations, Jayne. I undertand how you feel about enough reading and the answer being listening more than doing. There is so little that actually needs to be done, so much is elective and that is were the trouble for me begins. Pausing, Listening, Watching lead to much better doing. I have read so many books like you describe. They have really been like pieces of a puzzle. This experience with this woman I have been hinting about on my blog revealed to me that all the pieces of the puzzle are on the table.

Looking at them in a painful, completely honest, defenseless experience with another ~ helped me put enough of them together to see the design... that I can put the puzzle together myself. Can being the operative word. It is so much easier to explore the scary place and have it's normalcy revealed when holding the hand of another. Our relationship to one another is far from a committed one, so I still revert to fear when contemplating the journey alone again. That is the nature of it though, isn't it. Letting go of the familiar, getting a little air under the wings and having faith.

[Jayne]

Neena: I will recommend and discuss with you any time at all any of the books I have read but I tells ya I'm DONE reading NEW ones for now. Glad you are liking The Field, pretty provocative, no?

Shephard: They both are still with me . . .

Popeye: Yes, Palmer seems like one of the wisest, sanest, most compassionate voices I've read in a long time . . . I'd love to hear which of his books spoke to you so profoundly. Fiction, yes. I need some.

Theresa: Thanks, Love Goddess! It makes me feel less alone in the world to have people like you as witnesses to my experiences.

Caroline: Yes, a break and fiction, just what the Dr. ordered. Book circulating society? Sounds good but I dread going to the Post Office : (

Edge: I do regret not getting that book when we were there! It sounds excellent. Perhaps I can pick it up next year, same bat time, same bat channel . . .

HDT: Thank you for your thoughtful comment . . and the suspense is killing me about your mystery lady! I can't wait to hear more about what you're up to (aside from the obvious ; )) and about your self-discoveries along the way.