Jayne Says

How Does it Feel to be One of the Beautiful People?

I shudder and cringe, eyes mostly covered by my hands in shame, as I relate these embarrassing facts.

I am not physically "perfect." It's true!

In fact, nobody I know is perfect.

Some are too tall, some too short. Some bony, some fleshy. Some shaped like an apple, some a pear, some a bean pole, some a jelly fish, some like a summer squash.

I have seen cellulite.

Stomach rolls.

Double chins. No chins.

Goofy noses, squinty eyes, wrinkles, gray hairs.

Cankles.

Spider veins.

Mis-matched breasts. Breasts that are too small, too big, too sagging, nipples not quite right in size or color (all according to their hosts, that is).

Small penises, hairy ones, mis-matched balls.

Chicken legs. Tree-trunk legs. Flat asses, huge asses.

Hair where there shouldn't be hair. No hair where hair ought to be. Stubble.

Spots, blemishes, bruises and freckles.

Pasty skin, burned skin, funny tan lines.

When you are smiling, when your smile lights up your eyes, my GOD do you know how GORGEOUS you are?

Do you know how many BILLIONS of dollars advertising corporations spend to manipulate you into thinking and feeling and experiencing yourself as not gorgeous?

Fuck them all, I say. You wouldn't let someone come into your living room and dump a garbage can onto your floor; why let them do that to your mind?

Seriously. Please give yourself - your fat/thin/short/tall/spotty/imperfectly perfect self - a break and feel yourself as free, as beautiful. Strip on down and love yourself. Um, you know what I mean.

(This is a follow up to my recent post about nudity and some of the comments.)
(EDIT: Even most of the so called "beautiful" people have serious body issues, perhaps more so given the constant scrutiny their bodies are given. I have read so many interviews with people like Gweneth Paltrow or Angelina Jolie and they hate their asses, Michelle Pfieffer thinks her mouth looks like a duck beak, etc. So before anyone tells me, "easy for you to say, Jayne, you are thin and attractive," I will state I have HATED my body in the past. My weight, my height (5'9"), my frame (large), my small mouth, my sensitive skin, the dent on the end of my nose where I had a smallpox blister, my cellulite, my hairline, the color of my hair, the length of it, my stubby toes, my big calves, all of my freckles, my fingernails, the lines I am getting on my face, my small chin, etc. etc. BUT I no longer hate any part of myself. I no longer compare myself to others (and I generally avoid TV and fashion magazines) I know I am not "perfect" but really, really, beauty does come from within, from the spirit, and we are all so much more than the sum of our parts.)

Happy Anniversary

Five years ago today, there was an event. The details are a bit fuzzy but we celebrate the date. I do love that man still. Which I suppose is a good thing considering we live together. Happy Anniversary, Babe!

Jayne's Nude Deal

We had such a great time camping in Nevada; after a night (ending up in a motel) and morning of boondogglery, looking for a good campsite, we found one -- shade, water, mountains, hot springs, good friends, very silly behavior.

T and I are pretty comfortable with our bodies and being nude around other like-minded people. At hot springs, being naked seems a lot more natural than being in a bathing suit.

Especially when, like me, you have a hot woman on each arm. Neena's on my left and Ruthie's on my right. Doesn't that sound like the beginning of a song?

A lot of Americans have hang ups about this and equate nudity with sexuality and therefore Satan.

What do you think - comfortable to hang around naked as long as nobody is being weird about it, or cover up your sinful body lest the Devil lead you into temptation and sin? Or, neither and it depends?

(I'm back . . .and off again. Again.)

I'm Back . . . and Off Again

We returned from the coast last night and are off tomorrow to camp and bike in Austin, Nevada with Neena, Don, Ruthie and Erik. Never a dull moment. Anyone interested can e-mail me.

And today, I will probably be pulling an all-nighter to finish up an appellate brief due tomorrow. I graduated from college over a decade ago but still have not learned to manage my time very well.

I will begin a beginning online course on herbology next week. I am fascinated by the healing properties of plants and have this vision of myself opening a little herbals shop and organic cafe. You know, in my spare time.

I have reconfigured my blogroll - as soon as I divided it to highlight my favorite bloggers, I immediately wanted to add more and more of you to the "short list" which then wouldn't be very short. Fickle bitch, me.

I am just checking in to say I will be an absent blogger until Tuesday, when I can catch up with everyone.

Faith Healer

Now don't get me wrong. Y'all know I'm a fan of Jesus (just not all of his followers, especially the right wing fundamentalists.)

And I do like my doctor. She is smart, resourceful and patient.

But I have to admit that having these framed pictures of Jesus and the 10 Commandments as the only art decorating her lobby was a little bit off-putting. Not to mention a line on her intake form for "Religious Affiliation." (Which I left blank. And she pointed that out. And I said nothing.)

It is hard to see the scale of these (I snapped them quickly, on the down-low, as you might imagine) but they are HUGE and dominate the walls.

Of course, this reminds me of my recent pharmacy experience. What's with this town?

Religion and medicine: two great tastes that taste great together, or, for the love of everything holy, [har har] let's keep separate things separate?

My Blogroll

I am sorry to do this in a post, but I am removing my long blogroll from my site to tidy things up and will substitute it with a link to this post.

I reserve the right to change my mind any time and to linkscape anyone who seems to have abandoned their own or my blog or I just have stopped enjoying.

2 Hot Chiks Say - This is mostly written by 1 Hot Chick, Theresa. I love her honesty, depth and playfulness. She is The Love Goddess.

Amethyst Says - In Prairie Dreams, Amethyst writes as a working wife and mother, trying to make her family's homesteading dreams in Kansas come true against all odds...and to make her family's "footprints" smaller on this planet... Without losing her positive attitude or sanity!

Bugg Says -In and then what happened, Bugg writes about her family and life observations, with wit and honesty. If Bugg and I had gone to high school together, we would have been friends and gotten into plenty of trouble together!

Caroline Says - I had the pleasure of meeting Caroline of Fiber Tribe and she is a fascinating person. She knits, dives, travels, writes, reads, cooks, and is knowledgeable on any topic you can imagine. She is a compassionate, intelligent person who loves life and adventure. Great photos, too!

Dick the Boomer Says - Dick in Afraid to Blink is funny, thoughtful and posts gorgeous photos. I love his optimism and artistic eye.

Edge Says - Another great writer (and all-around wonderful person) who I am so happy to have met and know as he meanders along Winding, Crooked Trials.

Erin Says - Author of Perishable Goods, one of the best writers I've encountered thus far in the blog world. Her sensitivity, insight and use of language floor me. I wish she posted more!

Funky Bug Says - Robin writes The Wisdom of Funky Bugs. I love Robin. She is direct, hilarious, honest, and an amazing photographer. She became somewhat of a blogging star, then recently pulled back a bit to focus more on her life and family. I hope she finds the balance she needs (and hope that includes posting more!)

Henry David Thorough Says -  HDT is a fellow Northern Californian. I like his politics, his spirituality, his love of nature, his loyalty to Labradors that he describes on Don't Let It Bring You Down. Great photos.

Hill With Socrates Says - I just love Hillary from . . . I Drank What? I have met her and she is as sparkly, fun, beautiful and sensitive as she seems from her blog.

Jaquandor Says - You really never know what will wash up on Byzantium's Shores. Jaquandor writes with humor, keen depth and a broad passion for many topics; he's not afraid to write about politics (yay!) and does so well. He is also a stand-up good guy who wears and advocates for the under-appreciated overalls.

Jeff Funk Says - in his Live Journal Blog, Jeff writes about his life in Fort Wayne Indiana. I have written about how much I love Jeff's witty, honest, delicious writing in my post Sometimes I Wish I Were a Gay Man

Kat(astrophe) Says - Kat is a friend of Stella's and Todd's and a burgeoning artist with a great sense of humor. Who needs to post more!

Kyle Stitch (Rogue Writing) Says - Kyle is a writer based out of the Rogue River area (Ashland, OR, one of my new favorite places!) who has an interesting, thoughtful blog.

Krista (The Silent K) Says - Mostly light and fluffy, like a nice mohair blend. Krista is so honest, creative, articulate, artistic and sensitive. I love her blog.

Laurie in Suburbia Says -  Laurie, not your average soccer mom, may be Stranded in Suburbia, but she is a Christian who raises hell. I love her rebel spirit, her deep spirituality, her politics and energy. A fellow Aries, what's not to love?

Melissa Says -  I am so in denial that Melissa, of This is it? Seriously? may have abandoned her blog. I love Melissa, she is a kindred to me and makes me think. Please come back, Melissa. No pressure.

Michael Baines Says - in Silly Humans, MB writes on a wide range of topics, from political to personal, to spiritual, and posts great cartoons.

Michele Agnew Says -  The lovely thing about being Michele is she's so damn good at it. Michele has a real participatory community blog that is lively and great fun. Go check her out!

Mother knq (Uncensored) Says - Kristen from Motherhood Uncensored is now a big name blogger, but I still adore her. Her combination of raw honesty with polished humorous writing and brilliant insights keeps me (and hundreds of others) hooked. 

Neena in Utah Says - In the Red Dirt of Utah - I felt I knew Neena from the moment I saw her blog. I now consider her a dear friend (and check out her other blog Eco-Foodie for great recipes!) Great photos from her adventures in Utah.

Popeye Says - . . . and hope and history rhyme. Popeye writes with such depth, beauty and understanding, I feel I know him though we have not met.

Pops Says - Pops' Bucket is mostly proudly full of lies, dick jokes and superficiality, but I just love Pops, I can't help it. The way his mind comes up with some of that stuff amazes me, and his mosh pit of a comment section can be fun once you get used to it. And every now and again you see a glimmer of humanity . . .

Shephard Says - Shubert Alley Shephard is my soul brother. He and I understand each other; in a world where each of us is "terminally unique," it is such a relief to know there are people who get you without explanation. Humor, compassion, creativity, wisdom . . . that's Shephard.

Scott Adams Says - Dilbert cartoon creator. His blog is provocative, I just love how he riles people up.

Skydancer Says - Where am I going & what is with this handbasket? A fun, thoughtful blog.

Smart Black Woman Says - In A Day in My Life, SBW combines the personal, social and political. She is honest, thoughtful and intelligent, traits I greatly admire.

Stella Says - In Finding Zen, Stella writes with such an engaging humor, humanity and energy, she always leaves you laughing and thinking. She is a good friend of Hillary and I feel like I know her.

Steve Pavlina Says - This is a WONDERFUL and motivating blog - a must read.

T.H. Elliott Says - In Philosophically Broken, Todd writes "a blog to discover the true meaning of Mom jokes, poo, and sex." Need I say more? Todd is great fun and a friend of Melissa, Stella and Kat.

Timethief Says - This Coyote is a shape-shifter, a sensitive, intelligent, non-conforming, fascinating kindred whom I always enjoy reading.

V Knits, Spells and Says - in Spells With . . ., V is "strung out on yarn" but this ain't your typical knitting blog. I love V's intelligence, honesty and humor. She needs to post more!

Wendy Says - Wendy's World is so positive and beautiful! She is so optimistic and posts gorgeous photos. I always feel refreshed after visiting her blog (when I'm not feeling jealous over her gardening skills.)

[7/17/06 EDIT - I have just added some more blogs - if you link to me and want to be on my blogroll, please drop me a line! I rarely check my stats any more, don't always know who is linking to me if you don't comment; 7/20 EDIT: I reintegrated my blogroll as I immediately wanted to add more and more of you to the "short list" 8/5 EDIT: I wrote these descriptions in somewhat of a hurry. If yours isn't accurate or sparkling enough, particularly for the blogs that are new to me, send me an e-mail with a better description, seriously!]

Search Over

I hardly know what to do with myself. For the past fifteen years, I have been on a spiritual quest. I have been straining--getting a cramp in my soul--as I chased after the elusive Bliss.

I had experienced moments of Enlightenment. One with everything, knowing myself as connected and unseparated from All That Is, feeling nothing but joy, love, truth and understanding. For a few seconds or minutes, before I tried to grasp onto that feeling, then lost it, then mourned the loss of it, and tried to get it back . . .

I have read so much--spiritual, religious, political, philosophical, psychological, sociological--all fascinating, to be sure. My search was to be happy. To unlock the secret.

I'm an over-achieving depressive; this quest for happiness has provided me with quite a goal for many years.

The blog (happy.blogs.com, anyone?) and documentary (yeah, um, one of these days) hundreds of hours and dollars on research, all spent in pursuit of this goal.

Struggling so fervently to avoid the pain.

I have been dense. The secret has been right in front of my nose all along. We are to experience pain. The suffering comes from denying, repressing (or indulging . . .) negative emotions. We are not to be happy or enlightened all the time, that is not the nature of the human emotional experience.

When the fear, anger, hatred, jealousy, pain, misery, comes, invite it. Meet it. Without postponement, without defense, without hope of rescue. Fully experience it, completely let go, without attaching a "story" to it (how big and scary it is, how it will never go away, etc.)

When you fully meet any emotion, open to it defenselessly, you will have no thoughts, no story. And in that meeting lies the secret. Freedom.

The Zen masters call this turning around and shaking hands with your demons. I had heard this before but not had it related in a way that was so simple and experiential that I got it.

Now I'm not much of a joiner, have scoffed at organized everything (have you seen how disorganized this blog is?) and a Guru? Fuhgetaboutit. When I sat and listened to Gangaji last weekend, though, something changed in me. A relief, a knowing, a stillness and awakening.

For me, the room glowed and buzzed with a high, fine energy [T did not experience this, though; he said she seemed like a nice person and that the meeting was like a class in "advanced navel gazing." Sometimes I hate him, but that's okay.] She said what I needed to hear. To stop searching, running, straining to avoid pain.

Try it, I dare you, the next time a negative emotion arises. Don't battle it, just turn your full attention to it, quiet your mind and experience it. It is amazing.

(And just because my mind and spirit are at peace does NOT mean you are off the hook from polar bear drowning!!)

Because I'm a Sucker for Drowning Polar Bears

Okay. Now that everyone has seen the documentary An Inconvenient Truth (right?), we can talk.

The science is not only persuasive, it is irrefutable. Some highlights from the film:

• It's, like, a lot hotter now.
• I mean hotter than it's been in 400 years.
• That's kind of a problem.
• For the million species that will be extinct in the next 50 years.
• For the polar bears already drowning because they don't have ice to rest on.
• For the hundreds of thousands of people who will die from the increased storms, drought, and flooding.
• This isn't a political issue.
• We are so focused on the "war on terror."
• When the World Trade Center memorial in Manhattan will be under water in the very near future if we do not curb our carbon dioxide emissions.
• Oh yeah, those who say there is a "debate" about global warming are lying.
• Seriously, there is scientific consensus.
• But there are still a trillion dollars worth of profits in our oil reserves.
• We can't sell U.S. cars in China because we have such low emissions standards.
• Hurricane Katrina - heated up and boiled over because of the warmer waters in the gulf; we can expect to see many more devastating storms.

But, as Gore tells us, we can't go from denial to despair without doing anything. We can and must act. In America, we are responsible for 30% of greenhouse gas emissions, so it is incumbent on us to ACT. Not just talk, not just write, but put our money where our mouth is.

Here is what we can do to reverse the alarming trend that will have (is having) dire climatic consequences for all of us. (Read more about what you can do here.)

• Watch the movie and spread the world. We need to have this information in our collective consciousness, to create a true "tipping point" for change.
• Write about it on your blog and implore your readers to do the same.
• Join the virtual Stop Global Warming March.
• Make personal changes to reduce your Co2 (I calculated our household's emissions and it is over 25,000 pounds per year, larger than average (yikes!) - mostly due to travel and electricity.)
• Check out (and print out) these 10 simple things you can do to start making a difference.
• I know this is unpopular but if you want children and haven't yet had them, consider adoption. Population control is key to reducing our environmental impact.

Perhaps the most important thing we can do is put political pressure on our leaders. If global warming isn't on the forefront of their constituents' minds and interests, politicians are not likely to act to set more stringent emissions controls for U.S. auto and other industries.

Find your representative(s) here, and write a letter (or feel free to copy, paste and edit the below, it's a bit long and rambling) and e-mail it. Send it to your representatives in Congress, your Governor, your state representatives.

If not for yourself and your children, then how about for those poor polar bears, swimming and swimming and swimming . . .

July 11, 2006

Dear Senator [Representative, Governor . . .] X,

A bi-partisan consensus is emerging that climate change is a real threat to the future of the planet. However, even as the scientific data on global warming become more certain, our nation’s policy is being defined by delay, corporate interests and indecision.

Meanwhile, temperatures are rising dramatically, accompanied by sea-level rises, drought, species extinctions (polar bears are now drowning because they do not have ice shelves on which to rest!) and life-threatening storms.

Instead of drilling more oil wells and producing more coal—the lynch-pins of the Bush energy policy—we should be promoting conservation, renewable energy and highly efficient cars. Since burning fossil fuels is a huge source of global-warming gases, we must increase the fuel economy standards for all vehicles, especially gas-guzzling SUVs. 

As the world’s largest producer nation of global-warming gases, we have a responsibility to clean up our own mess and set a better example for the world before it’s too late. Yet the President insists on further studies and a voluntary approach which will not work. Congress [or your state, etc.] must take strong steps to support specific, enforceable, and achievable measures to control global warming.

Moreover, Congress [or your state, etc.] should act now to reduce U.S. oil dependence as quickly as possible to address the many critical security, economic, and environmental challenges posed by U.S. oil dependence.

Although I am concerned and personally affected by the price of gas, the other prices of oil dependence weigh on me just as heavily. How can we truly calculate the costs of the Iraq occupation (ostensibly to topple a regime empowered and corrupted by its oil wealth) and the costs of deploying U.S. military forces in the Persian Gulf and elsewhere to protect the oil sea lanes? And the dire health and human (and animal) life costs of global warming caused by burning fossil fuels are too high a price.

Please support corporate average fuel efficiency of 40 mpg for new autos (Europe and Japan are already meeting this standard today!) and help to fight for other measures including supporting affordable sustainable, renewable energy to address and reverse global warming. I, for one, was alarmed to learn that U.S. auto makers are currently unable to sell our cars in China because of our low emissions standards.

We have the technology to do this. We just need the political will to overcome the corporate interests that have been doing everything in their power to confuse and thwart this important issue, as there are still billions of dollars in profits to be made by maintaining the status quo.

I implore you to work to change this dangerous status quo. Thank you very much.

        Sincerely,

       
        Jayne Wolf

 

Global Warning

I just wanted to warn you that this week Jayne Says will pretty much be all global warming, all of the time.

Go see An Inconvenient Truth, then let's talk.

I am serious. There is NO REASON for you not to see this film and EVERY REASON why you MUST. This weekend. Promise your Auntie Jayne.

[And Happy Birthday, Nino! You are a shining star, and one of my personal heroes, did you know that?]

A Smattering of Scattered Thoughts

My life is full; for that I should be grateful. Instead, I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed out. And my thoughts are a bit scattered, so this post will be, too.

I am done with my daddy issues for now. Once every 20 years should suffice.

I am driving to the coast tomorrow for a meeting (5+ hours each way) I really need local clients.

I am going to Ashland, Oregon this weekend to connect with an old friend from high school (from Kenya) and also to sit with spiritual teacher Gangaji for a bit on Sunday up there. Because she's all enlightened and stuff.

My body has transformed in the past 6 weeks (T, tell them!); it is crazy how dramatic the change has been. I will post pictures next week after I meet with my doctor on Monday. Cutting out wheat/gluten, dairy and sugar worked wonders for my body, mind and mood. I am going to write up the "program" I developed if people are interested. (And the thing about sugar and simple carbs is you can't really eat them in moderation, at least at first, because you will continue to crave them until you quit. The cravings go away after a few painful weeks.)

We converted a TINY unused bathroom into a very nice, freshly painted (orange) pantry. So the kitchen remodel is making progress.

I met a potential friend at the coast who lives in my town! She is in the same field and seems very cool. We will see.

We are going back to the coast the week of the 17th to meet up with some more friends. Then off to Nevada I hope the following weekend for a bike and camping trip with Neena and Don.

And I have so much work to catch up on; an appellate brief due very soon and I have to get my billings out.

It is hard to write coherent, meaningful posts when one's mind is scattered and one's schedule is so full. But I like to reach out here, both to let others know what I'm up to and why I am not posting, as well as to keep a journal of events for myself.

And also I enjoy writing these posts to muck and clog up Google searches for the poor lost souls trying to find enlightenment, write an appellate brief, paint their pantries or learn about wheat and gluten allergies. You know, it's the little pleasures in life for which we must be grateful.