I have not really stopped moving, other than to be sick (or "exercising my immune system," rather) for the past few weeks. I am in another town, again, today. We had a lovely time in Utah, but endured a whole lot of driving.
Two weeks ago, whilst in San Francisco, I met up with a colleague and friend of mine. She mentioned how several people I work with think of me as blunt, intimidating or otherwise unpleasant. When she said this, I experienced a moment of gripping panic, of disapproval, of wanting to scramble to make it up to these people, prove myself likable.
But that moment, that feeling of a bad child needing approval from some perceived authority figures, suddenly cleared. I felt at peace, I relaxed and smiled at my friend. I changed the topic. I actually finally don't care if people (namely opposing counsel) don't like me. Seriously. My clients like me and pay me well to be an intimidating, blunt, bitch who wins for them.
I know many people learn this lesson early on, in grade school -- that it's okay if not everyone likes me. I guess I'm a late bloomer but it really is liberating for me to be free of caring about that. This is a big deal for me, a breakthrough. No matter what stance you take, how diplomatically and compassionately you try to live your life, somebody, somewhere will be unhappy with your choices.
They won't like the way you look, what you wear, your chosen profession, the words you choose, your partner, the food you eat, the music you enjoy, your vices of choice, or, you know, the dozens of intimidating letters you keep sending, demanding justice.
Fuck them all, my dears. Love yourself, live boldly, take a stand, speak out, be strong and dance a little. Dance a lot.
(I am not blognoring you, really. I will catch up soon.)
