Checking In

Hello . . . ? Is this thing on? 

This Tennessee Williams quote keeps haunting me: “A prayer for the wild at heart, kept in cages.” And no, not just because Angelina Jolie has it tattooed on her arm.

A five month all-consuming distraction sucked me in and has just spit me out the other side. I'm a little bewildered, forever changed and better than ever. But I am in need of a long, hot shower.

For reasons I won't go into here, my heart is breaking. But I have realized that's okay. I am letting my heart break fully, openly, without defense or hope of rescue. I am no longer running from fear, pain, disapproval, anger. Even joy or love. I have been inviting it all in, meeting it fully. I have never felt more present.

I got a new tattoo - pictures once it's finished.

The family is moving up to southern Oregon soon. I hate where we currently live. This town is (ironically) called Paradise. Conservative, religious, retirement town. I'm not ready to retire. T will be fixing up the house here to put on the market while I move pretty soon. I am excited to live on my own for a while, get my head straight. In a community where I might fit in a little better than here.

I appreciate T so much. For giving me this time and space, for giving me a break. A sabbatical - from work, school, marriage, blogging, whatever you need a break from - can do wonders. Trust me.

Anyway, I think I'm ready to return here. We'll see. I can't wait to see who of my blogging buddies are still around, and what you are all up to!

Comments

[stella]

WE'RE HERE!!!!

so good to see you writing again. but wow. whats been going on? are you gonna fill us in?? you know you can always email me! ha. DETAILS WOMAN!!???

-perplexed and concerned. should we be?

stells.

[skydancer069]

Welcome back, even if it is for only post or two. Maybe that is what I need, a break from everything to find myself again. I find myself wondering who I am and where do I belong..why am I here.
Can't wait to see your new tattoo, I have been thinking about getting another one.

[SG]

... quite the mysterious post but great to see you back! Sending you positive energy for all the changes going on. You are loved!

[jules]

Yea! Jayne's back. I'm still here. What's been going on?!?!?!

[Jeff Funk - If The Fates Allow]

Hey Jayne!

I just thought I'd check in on you. I reread your wonderful and sweet entry: Sometimes I Wish I Were a Gay Man.

I hope life's been treating you well. I've been publishing stories, stories, stories. I've given myself permission to write anything that interests me. I should keep up with my TypePad blog more. But I'm sort of keeping it around for my podcast. I do hang out a lot over at LiveJournal - http://jefffunk.livejournal.com/

Good to see you're writing again. I need to read your blog and get caught up!

[SmartBlkWoman]

Hey Jayne, and welcome back--even if it's only for a little while or in short bursts.

I thought I had already made a post welcoming you back but for some reason it didn't show up. Argh.....

I'm sending you some positivity. :)

Best wishes.

[Michael Bains]

WooHoo! She's back!

Glad you've found how to make it all a wonderful learning experience, Jayne.

Oregon? Gnarly! Have fun.

[Shephard]

Hi Jayne, so glad to hear you've come out the other side.
I hope this brings you wondrous things you weren't expecting. I really do.
~S :)

[caroline]

still here, darlin'. come visit. It's good for your head down here in Boulder, too. summer is here but the nights are still cool. great hiking and plenty of room chez caroline. send your heart all mending vibes...