Jayne Says

Paying the Rent with their Rock

I wish I had something more substantial to share, but I'm hoping if I purge my current superficialities here, I can move on. First, The Pilot got me the soundtrack to Tenacious D, the Pick of Destiny. I enjoyed the movie (which you can't take too seriously or soberly) and love the lyrics. We have listened to it over and over.

Here's a little clip from the movie, with Jack Black and Kyle Gass in JB's dream, singing a song called Master Exploder. Why do I love Jack Black so? I think it's because of his infectious creativity, bravery and silliness. He seems so completely un-self-conscious. I would love to be that free! And, Dude, the eyeliner:

Also, I got hooked on Grey''s Anatomy the past few months, renting the disks for the first two seasons. I started watching because three people in a row told me I looked like Ellen Pompeo and I had no idea who she was and wanted to see. She's this tiny little thing, but I do like her character and I got sucked into that show. (And I will be forever grateful to Ms. Pompeo for replacing Cheers-era Kirstie Alley as the person I always used to remind others of!)

The other thoughts preoccupying my mind include laser hair removal, eyebrow waxing and a cool combo hair dryer-brush I just got. Yeah. Vapid is as vapid does, Forrest. We'll save the world tomorrow, okay? But while rocking out, with cute hair.

Atheists for Jesus

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man--living in the sky--who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time . . ,. But He loves you!

- George Carlin

I just finished reading Richard Dawkins's The God Delusion. Although his tone (at times catty, self-indulgent and smug) and style (shotgun, meandering, allowing his steed Tangent a far too liberal rein*) put me off, I quite enjoyed the content. And I like a man who wears an "Atheists for Jesus" t-shirt (I want one.) One can admire ethically principled teachers and teachings while shunning the religions and myths built around such teachers.

Stephen Colbert interviewed Dawkins recently, which was amusing:

If you wanted to ride the pulse of modern atheism and arm yourself with good arguments about the dangers of all religions, I'd recommend Sam Harris's The End of Faith. I wrote a little post about that book a while ago here.

However, Dawkins's book is a nice companion to The End of Faith, that contains some excellent quotes, arguments and (for a lay science geek like me) lots of fascinating (and accessible) information and studies, from evolutionary biology to the origin of life, to insect vision, social evolution and quantum mechanics.

A nice literary trinity (har, har) would be The God Delusion, The End of Faith and God Without Religion, if you didn't want to abandon your spiritual life altogether and believe we have much to learn about states of expanded consciousness, but you embrace reason and humanism and recognize that our clinging to ancient myths is destructive to all of humankind and hampers our inevitable progression.

Here's a little sampling from The God Delusion:

To be fair, much of the Bible is not systematically evil but just plain weird, as you would expect of a chaotically cobbled-together anthology of disjointed documents, composed, revised, translated, distorted and 'improved' by hundreds of anonymous authors, editors and copyists, unknown to us and mostly unknown to each other, spanning nine centuries. This may explain some of the sheer strangeness of the Bible. But unfortunately it is this same weird volume that religious zealots hold up to us as the inerrant source of our morals and rules for living.

* * *

I have described atonement, the central doctrine of Christianity, as vicious, sado-masochistic and repellent. We should also dismiss it as barking mad, but for its ubiquitous familiarity which has dulled our objectivity. If God wanted to forgive our sins, why not just forgive them, without having himself tortured and executed in payment--thereby, incidentally, condemning remote future generations of Jews to pogroms and persecution as 'Christ-killers': did that hereditary sin pass down in the semen too?

* * *

Our Western politicians avoid mentioning the R word (religion), and instead characterize their battle as a war against 'terror', as though terror were a kind of spirit or force, with a will and a mind of its own. Or they characterize terrorists as motivated by pure 'evil'. but they are not motivated by evil. However misguided we may think them, they are motivated, like the Christian murderers of abortion doctors, by what they perceive to be righteousness, faithfully pursuing what their religion tells them. They are not psychotic; they are religious idealists who, by their own lights, are rational. They perceive their acts to be good, not because of some warped personal idiosyncrasy, and not because they have been possessed by Satan, but because they have been brought up, from the cradle, to have total and unquestioning faith.

*With lots of distracting footnotes, such as remembering his time whilst at school scrumping apples, or an amusing Douglas Adams (dedicatee of the book) quote, or a Monty Python bit about every sperm being sacred.

Laudable Links # 2

Click here to learn how create a video blog. (This guy is hilarious!)

* * *
So, in lieu of any real blogging, I’ll be bringing you this series of food horrors from the distant mists of ancient times. And trust me, these pictures are distinctly Lovecraftian. This is the food of madness!! . . . Behold, the nightmare that is "Eggs Casino"! (These pictures, the horror! But so, so funny.)

* * *

Indexed always makes me laugh A picture (or cute little graph or diagram on an index card, every day) is worth a thousand words. A sample:

***

What’s important is that we each make the best contribution we can.  If you’re working in a job you hate just to pay the bills, you’re robbing this wonderful planet of the real contribution you could be making.  I’m sure you have plenty of reasons why you must play it safe, but deep down you know they’re just fear-based excuses.  Would your excuses still seem rational if you felt no fear?  The world doesn’t need any more Einsteins working as patent clerks, no matter how worried they are about paying their bills. (Yeah, he's talking to YOU!)

That is all. Idea for this post shamelessly stolen from the overall (har har) blogger extraordinaire Jaquandor.

Personal Care for Masochists

So I mixed up a batch of Neena's Red Spicy Tooth Dirt of Utah. I couldn't get any prickly ash or bayberry bark. But I ground up the other bulk herbs (in a clean coffee grinder) and added the already ground herbs in the following proportions: 2 Tbs each of Cinnamon, baking soda, horsetail, echinacea, myrrh resin, and 1 Tbs of cayenne pepper. And I added 2 drops of peppermint essential oil, shook it all up and put it in an old, cleaned out spice bottle.

It looks like dirt, and when you spit it out, it's as if you brushed your teeth after eating a chocolate bar, gooey and brown. And the taste? At first (every time) it's like when you first hear a Justin Timberlake song on the radio. "Gah! Foul! Make it stop!" but then you slowly warm up to it.

By the end of the tooth-brushing, you've brought your sexy back, your teeth feel CLEAN and you can't get the taste out of your mouth for hours. Spicy! Slightly burning . . . but in a good way. Invigorating. If you like Altoids or Dentyne Fire gum, you might want to try it out.

So I followed up a spicy dirt toothbrushing with a shower using only Dr. Bronner's peppermint oil infused castile liquid soap and a washcloth. Washed my hair and everything with it ~ tingly, invigorating, refreshing! We always bring this soap with us camping because you can wash anything with it (dishes to faces) and it's biodegradable.

That little routine really woke me up this morning.

I was inspired to dig out my Dr. Bronner's soap after reading a cool little book ~ Clean House, Clean Planet by Karen Logan. In it, Logan describes about every cleaning scenario imaginable, discusses the commercial, often toxic and expensive "standbys" and offers cheaper, healthier, easy to make alternatives.

Basically, if you have a gallon of white vinegar, a bunch of baking soda, a box of Borox (in the laundry section) for tough jobs, some liquid castile soap (Dr. Bronners! At health food stores, some others), some club soda, distilled water and a few bottles of essential oils (peppermint, tea tree, eucalyptus, lemon, lavender all work, organic is best as pesticides can concentrate in these oils) ~ along with a few good spray and squirt bottles and some clean rags, you can clean anything cheaper, safer, and as effectively as commercial brands.

This is great if you have allergies, kids, pets or concerns about the environment or your health. (And also, of course, if you enjoy Sticking it to The Man.)

Examples:

~ Spray club soda (!) on glass, wipe it off. Works immediately, much better than Windex, much cheaper, and without the toxic ammonia. It's the sodium citrate or some such. (I had to try it and it blew my mind a little.)

~ Diluted (in distilled water, especially if you have hard water) white vinegar with some essential oils, makes a great floor cleaner.

~ A little box of baking soda with some drops of essential oil mixed in makes a great odor absorber (and sprinkled at the bottom of a kitty box will do wonders). A little baking soda with some peppermint essential oil works as an ace toothpaste if you run out.

~ Another good room freshener - put a cotton ball in an open jar, saturated with several drops of your favorite essential oil.

~ Have a ring of grime in your toilet? Use a pumice stone (it won't scratch the porcelain.)

There are some other recipes here (but they seem a bit more complicated than the ones in Logan's book).

Did I just get excited about cleaning? And write a post about brushing my teeth and taking a shower? Somebody slap me.

Luadable Links #1

I am SHAMELESSly stealing this excellent concept from Byzantium Shores author Jaquandor, who offers intriguing weekly blog snippets in his Sentential Posts. Mitigating circumstances: 1) I've been meaning to copy this idea for months now; and 2) I do feel some shame.

The first post is the hardest.  How do you write "Hey, check me out!" and still come off as cool?  Beginnings and endings have always been hard for me to write.  I can't seem to get started, and once going, to then end gracefully and satisfactorily.  But I'm great at middles.  I believe that I can write middles with the best of them.

[The above is from The Pilot. Yeah, that one, the one who married me and just started his own blog, Earning Money Sleeping, now that mine has jumped the shark matured! Please go say hello!]

Hmmm...a possibly shady land deal involving a prominent national politician! Bring on the unending news coverage! Bring on the talk radio conspiracy theorizing! Bring on the independent prosecutors! Bring on the hearings in Congress! Bring on the -- oh wait, it doesn't involve a Democrat named "Clinton". Forget it, then.

* * *
Not that I need to tell any of you this (I’ve read your blogs), but this whole love thing is complicated.

* * *

Devilry I’d Enjoy Dreaming Up More than Actually Doing:
    1     composing a dessert recipe disguising brussels sprouts
    2     training the cat (ha!) to sit on the table to eat from plates to scandalize one certain guest.
    3     a huge honking bullwhip over the bed for guests to avoid looking at
    4     spend the night writing peace poetry in chalk on the sidewalk all around the US fortress embassy to offset its Cardassian architecture and gated setbacks.

* * *
I don’t want to lose the spontaneity of life, but I also don’t want to resent the passage of time. [Well said!]

* * *
It's usually not a good idea to open up a post with a defensive statement. I learned early on that the rules of successful blogging are really almost exactly the same as the rules for surviving an encounter with a cougar: make yourself look bigger than you actually are, make as much random noise as you can, do not back up and never, ever turn your back. Running away is out of the question, unless of course the question is "Would you like to be chased down, felled with a dental bisection of your carotid artery and then slowly devoured over a period of several weeks?" [Dude, for every sports post, I'm going to write an herb post, to the death.]

Proper Use of the Word 'Myriad'

Whilst attending perhaps the worst-matched college for a cultural misfit like me, I realized I liked my sense of humor sick and dark, yet strangely heart-warming, like Christmas Eve at a leper colony. In a country that celebrates Christmas.

On a sunny Sunday afternoon in 1989, the house lights went up after our matinee screening of the movie Heathers. I was exhilarated as roommate Lisa, boyfriend Kevin and I exited the theater. I turned to Lisa, beaming, then quickly suppressed my grin at the sight of her stricken expression. She said the movie had disturbed her so much, she didn't want to talk; could we just please go home so she could lock herself in her room to recover. I feigned concern, and agreed the film was "dark." But once Lisa was out of earshot in the parking lot:

"That movie was Awesome," I whispered giddily to Kevin.

"Dude, I know!" replied Kevin.

Kevin and saw the movie several more times, and quoted it all summer long. I bought a copy of the video as soon as it hit the stores. Kevin was an Awesome Dude. (Yes, everyone at my school eventually adopted a Spicolliesque syntax and vocabulary. Resistance was futile.) What killed our relationship was an unhappy marriage of his being so much shorter than I and my irrational prejudice (borne of generations of Giant Norse familial privilege) of short men. But lest I stray further down this Nordic track, I will return to what was, heretofore, a point.

I realized I was not like cute, blonde, sensitive Lisa, who earnestly wanted to work with (and have lots of) children. I think she is now a teacher and happy wife and mother, living a comfortable, snark-free existence. I do not judge Lisa and her sorority sisters, literal and figurative. It's just that somewhere along the historic or karmic path of my life, I noted I was different. Being a proper good girl is not in my nature. And pretending otherwise leads to disastrous results, somewhat like outfitting Russell Crowe's gladiator with a tutu. Fuck that.

The point? Oh yes, I don't know if there is a name to that genre of film - dark, funny (to some) and twisted movies with heart. Dark comedies? (This is why I would never be a good film critic.)

I have enjoyed myriad modern dark, funny heartwarmers (or, if not heartwarming, at least unique, smart, and somewhat absurd without being affected) such as Rushmore (and other Wes Anderson movies), Fargo (and most other Cohen Brothers movies), Harold and Maude,  Pulp Fiction (the only Tarantino film I've really liked), Grosse Point Blanke, Mystery Men, American Beauty, A Fish Called Wanda, Being John Malkovich (or anything written by Charlie Kaufman! Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Adaptation - a lot funnier if you're somewhat of a movie geek and after you've seen Being John Malkovich. . .)

And . . .if a movie has Steve Carell, Ben Stiller, Janeane Garofalo, Greg Kinnear, Lily Tomlin, William H. Macy, John (and of course Joan) Cusack, Jim Carrey (sometimes), Kevin Spacey, Frances McDormand, Holly Hunter, Hank Azaria, Alan Arkin, John Turturro, or Toni Collette (Muriel's Wedding, anyone?) . . . I will probably love it just because of how much I enjoy watching these actors.

Anyway, if you loved many of the above movies and actors, then run, don't walk, to go see Little Miss Sunshine. Delightful, sick, hilarious. And you know, with heart. [Brownie points to anyone who knows the movie: "You know, for kids!" another favorite of mine.]

I laughed so hard during the finale of Little Miss Sunshine that I was actually sobbing, tears streaming down my face. It was an incredibly funny, yet poignant, heart-warming and truly satisfying movie experience. A must-see.

If not, well, then go find someone else's mellow upon which to impose your harsh.

My New Hero

Okay, finally I have encountered a blogger more into personal development, motivation and bettering humanity (whether they like it or not!) than I. And a fellow Aries, natch. His name is Steve Pavlina and I am so happy to have found his blog!

Go check him out and consider joining his $1 Million experiment, I did.

All you have to do is really, really, happily intend the following, for 60 seconds each day (you can even set up reminders to do so):

In an easy and relaxed manner, in a healthy and positive way, in its own perfect time, for the highest good of all, I intend $1,000,000 to come into my life and into the lives of everyone who holds this intention.

I will also try his technique described in How to Become an Early Riser (I need it.)

A great site, a must read, someone who speaks my language. (Thanks, Neena!)

Oh, and please go wish my friend Shephard (another very motivating, positive, creative person) a Happy Birthday today!

Evolution of Dance

I was going to put this in the category of "useless filler" but it's not, really.

Before you accuse me of throwing any old scrap to you famished fickle lions check out the evolution of dance. I have watched this 5 times already, it is hilarious.

Extra bonus: of course you remember the Muppet Show's wonderful Mana Mana song? This is so cute and catchy.

I need a little hilarity and cuteness. I have a "big" meeting tomorrow and all I feel like doing is crawling back under the covers. My elephant (see earlier post) is being petulant. Thank you for the thoughtful comments on my last post. I will rejoin the circus, perhaps with some juicy steaks, by Friday.

Taming the Elephant

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time

- T.S. Elliot

It occurred to me this morning that I have spent the past year consuming one self-help or spiritual book after another in a frenzied, prolonged binge intended, I suppose, to induce enlightenment. I read six books over the past four weeks. I savored none of them.

I am stuffed. I am done reading. I have everything I need now to stop "learning" and begin listening. I am having an identity crisis, but the best kind. I feel as though the last two books I read began dismantling some of my self-delusions in earnest, and I am curious to see how I reassemble myself.

If you are on a spiritual journey, I will highly recommend these two books (links on my sidebar), A Hidden Wholeness, the Journey Toward an Undivided Life by Parker Palmer, and The Happiness Hypothesis, Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom, but Jonathan Haidt.

In A Hidden Wholeness, a graceful, quiet, gorgeously written book, Palmer discusses the pain of living a divided life (when we are not invested in our work, we remain in relationships or circumstances that kill our spirits, we harbor secrets to achieve personal gain at the expense of others, we hide our beliefs, etc.):

The divided life is a wounded life, and the soul keeps calling us to heal the wound. Ignore that call, and we find ourselves trying to numb our pain with an anesthetic of choice, be it substance abuse, overwork, consumerism, or mindless media noise. Such anesthetics are easy to come by in a society that wants to keep us divided and unaware of our pain--for the divided life that is pathological for individuals can serve social systems well, especially when it comes to those functions that are morally dubious.

Much of the book is dedicated to the practice of holding a "circle of trust" in which a person is truly heard (without advice, setting straight, fixing, etc.) in a way that invites the soul (our inner teachers) to speak our truths.

Palmer describes the soul as shy, similar to a wild animal. It needs silence, respect and honoring to reveal itself. The depth of community that is possible (and practiced) that Palmer describes makes my heart ache with a profound longing. It also made me realize how much I rush in to "fix" and "advise" instead of quietly listening to the wisdom of others. What arrogance!

The second book I recommend was quite insightful, comprehensive, mature and witty. I fancy myself somewhat of an armchair psychologist and am particularly interested in the [relatively] new field of positive psychology, which focuses on how humans may thrive instead of merely cataloging pathology.

I have conducted a considerable amount of research into happiness and am relieved to have found practically the definitive resource on the topic with Haidt's The Happiness Hypothesis. I dreaded picking up yet another book given my recent self-help bender but this was my last one. I sighed and wondered whether this would have anything for me in it. I opened the book to the first page, the dedication page, which simply says, "For Jayne." I laughed and took that as good a sign as any.

Weaving together psychological, sociological, biological, philosophical and spiritual principles throughout the ages and including the most provocative modern studies, Haidt illustrates clear ways to increase one's happiness and illuminates how most wisdom in these matters has been repeated by just about every school of thought from the Bible to Greek philosophers, from Hindu teachings to Dr. Phil.

The enduring metaphor Haidt employs regarding our sense of self is that of a rider on an unruly elephant, where the rider is our relatively recently developed logical, reasoning, consciously controlled thought and the elephant represents everything else.

The elephant includes the gut feelings, visceral reactions, emotions, and intuitions that comprise much of the automatic system. The elephant and the rider each have their own intelligence, and when they work together well they enable the unique brilliance of human beings. But they don't always work together well.

Haidt goes on to describe and explain our frustrations at failing to maintain self-control, among other "failures" when our elephants aren't tamed. The results of some of the cited studies, particularly about how thoroughly and convincingly we delude ourselves to justify our behavior, hypocrisy and positions are fascinating.

There is just so much in this book; I had so many "ah-ha" moments . . . and one watershed realization that I am not such a big loser when it comes to self-discipline. I just need to spend some time taming my unconscious mind, like everyone else.

If human behavior and increasing your happiness and the quality of your life and experiences interest you, I'm going to call this one a must-read. I will be returning to the principles in this book more specifically soon, I am sure.

Particularly now that I am DONE reading (these kinds of books anyway) for a good long while.

This Made My Day

I heard Weird Al Yankovic's Angry White Boy Polka on the radio the other day for the first time and it really ligthened my spirits. I Googled it so I could hear it again and found the pleasant surprise of not only the songs, but accompanying animation on Weird Al's site.

If you like/listen to Papa Roach, System of a Down, the Vines, the White Stripes, the Strokes, Disturbed, Rage Against the Machine, LimpBizkit, Staind, Kid Rock, POD and Eminem, and maybe think they could stand to lighten up . . . perhaps to a polka beat . . . you will enjoy this.

Here's the link to Weird Al's Angry White Boy Polka Video. I love Weird Al. I used to listen to him back in the day on the Doctor Demento show on the radio when I was a teenager spending summers in L.A.

Off for the rest of the week. Utah. I can't wait! No blogsitting, no surprise posts. Just Weird Al all week. Yep.