Because of the kind of day I'm having, I need to laugh. Right before I fall onto my new present to myself. An impeccable source tells me that:
Vin Diesel was the leading political scientist and president of the Jew Convention that led to the creation of modern Israel in 1948. His radical views on Judaism led the Jews to eventually accept that they had, in fact, killed their Savior Jesus Christ, and that they were not so special in God's eyes. Modern Jews celebrate Vin Diesel by a one-week holiday in June called "The Fast of The Furious".
And I also came across these top 30 true facts about Vin:
1. Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
2. Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
3. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
4. If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
5. Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
6. There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.
7. When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
8. Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been referred to as Christmas.
9. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
10. Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
11. Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Fillet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
12. Vin Diesel is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
13. Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
14. When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
15. Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
16. Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
17. If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for pussies." then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
18. Vin Diesel played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
19. When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
20. When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
21. Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
22. On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
23. You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
24. When Vin Diesel runs with scissors, other people get hurt.
25. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
26. Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Arctic researchers.
27. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
28. Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
29. During a stay at Neverland Ranch in the 80's, Vin Diesel was awoken by Michael Jackson who was trying to sneak into his bed. Vin punched Jackson so hard that he knocked the black right off of him.
30. Whenever Vin Diesel puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.
Yes, there are way more. Thanks to Olivia for posting this list (slightly modified) so I could steal it from her! And to Hill, from whom I nicked the pic. I have nothing original today other than THE AGONY OF WAITING!
For the entire gorgeous, gyrating clip of Jake actually dancing, go say hello to 
