Jayne Says

Soft Drive

Please pray with me, Beloveds. Pray for the resurrection.

Of my laptop.

And the second coming.

Of my data. For they have been led astray.

Pray to God or that Mercury stops being in retrograde, to Jesus or whatever Saint presides over hard drives.

I take it all back. I'm not an atheist, promise. Please smote not my most precious!

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. For Thou art with me.

Are Thou? Am I being tested? How very Job.

Laptop's in ICU. All (except backed up legal files) is lost. Pictures, music, everything. We purchased some external drives over the weekend to back up future data, and T quickly backed up everything of his.

Let my foolish non-backing up ways serve as a parable. Save the ones you love, Beloveds! For they can be gone in an instant -- ashes to ashes, data to dust.

Atheists for Jesus

Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man--living in the sky--who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time . . ,. But He loves you!

- George Carlin

I just finished reading Richard Dawkins's The God Delusion. Although his tone (at times catty, self-indulgent and smug) and style (shotgun, meandering, allowing his steed Tangent a far too liberal rein*) put me off, I quite enjoyed the content. And I like a man who wears an "Atheists for Jesus" t-shirt (I want one.) One can admire ethically principled teachers and teachings while shunning the religions and myths built around such teachers.

Stephen Colbert interviewed Dawkins recently, which was amusing:

If you wanted to ride the pulse of modern atheism and arm yourself with good arguments about the dangers of all religions, I'd recommend Sam Harris's The End of Faith. I wrote a little post about that book a while ago here.

However, Dawkins's book is a nice companion to The End of Faith, that contains some excellent quotes, arguments and (for a lay science geek like me) lots of fascinating (and accessible) information and studies, from evolutionary biology to the origin of life, to insect vision, social evolution and quantum mechanics.

A nice literary trinity (har, har) would be The God Delusion, The End of Faith and God Without Religion, if you didn't want to abandon your spiritual life altogether and believe we have much to learn about states of expanded consciousness, but you embrace reason and humanism and recognize that our clinging to ancient myths is destructive to all of humankind and hampers our inevitable progression.

Here's a little sampling from The God Delusion:

To be fair, much of the Bible is not systematically evil but just plain weird, as you would expect of a chaotically cobbled-together anthology of disjointed documents, composed, revised, translated, distorted and 'improved' by hundreds of anonymous authors, editors and copyists, unknown to us and mostly unknown to each other, spanning nine centuries. This may explain some of the sheer strangeness of the Bible. But unfortunately it is this same weird volume that religious zealots hold up to us as the inerrant source of our morals and rules for living.

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I have described atonement, the central doctrine of Christianity, as vicious, sado-masochistic and repellent. We should also dismiss it as barking mad, but for its ubiquitous familiarity which has dulled our objectivity. If God wanted to forgive our sins, why not just forgive them, without having himself tortured and executed in payment--thereby, incidentally, condemning remote future generations of Jews to pogroms and persecution as 'Christ-killers': did that hereditary sin pass down in the semen too?

* * *

Our Western politicians avoid mentioning the R word (religion), and instead characterize their battle as a war against 'terror', as though terror were a kind of spirit or force, with a will and a mind of its own. Or they characterize terrorists as motivated by pure 'evil'. but they are not motivated by evil. However misguided we may think them, they are motivated, like the Christian murderers of abortion doctors, by what they perceive to be righteousness, faithfully pursuing what their religion tells them. They are not psychotic; they are religious idealists who, by their own lights, are rational. They perceive their acts to be good, not because of some warped personal idiosyncrasy, and not because they have been possessed by Satan, but because they have been brought up, from the cradle, to have total and unquestioning faith.

*With lots of distracting footnotes, such as remembering his time whilst at school scrumping apples, or an amusing Douglas Adams (dedicatee of the book) quote, or a Monty Python bit about every sperm being sacred.

Illustrated ADD

Our kitchen is about 75% finished (we need more counter tops done, trim, to finish the bar, etc.)

But I like the way the details are coming along.

I can't believe how low the lake is, you can see the line where the water usually is.

Sometimes, he rescues animals.

Sometimes, he antagonizes them (just a little). Sometimes he gets right in their spidery faces and takes a picture.

Here's a pretty kitty. I can't believe she's 15. Her latest name is "Polly" (she likes to sit at shoulder level, like a parrot) but we've always just called her "Little Girl." Not very original, but she likes it.

We had a fantastic weekend. Some friends (who only live 2.5 hours away, so they're actually our closest (geographically) friends) came to visit. We hiked, talked, laughed, played music. I got to play hostess and our feast was a success. I made chicken shish kebabs with a tahini, olive oil, lemon juice, garlic, pomegranate and spices (cumin, sea salt, pepper, a little curry and fresh mint) marinade. Using 2 skewers each keeps them from spinning so they grill more evenly. Chicken cut into 1 inch cubes, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes and red onion wedges.

I made some tabbouleh and put out sides (warm pita bread, hummus, yogurt cucumber sauce, feta cheese, greens) so we could make little sandwiches. I put a lantern out and T lit the tiki torches. And I forgot to take pictures!

And the cocktails were also a hit - organic vodka with lemon juice, pomegranate juice and club soda. With stevia extract to taste (a sweet (20X sweeter than sugar), noncaloric, actually good for you herb). Maybe that's why I forgot to take pictures . . .

Before they arrived, I sprinkled about 10 drops of peppermint essential oil on the carpet in the guest room and vacuumed. That made the air in that room smell very refreshing. The boyfriend of our friend announced he liked and wanted that smell in his house. After we had breakfast the next day, we stopped by the health food store and she bought some liquid stevia, peppermint essential oil and pomegranate juice. That made me happy.

Soon, I will marshal the ability to slow down and formulate coherent thoughts with cleanly structured paragraphs and transition sentences.

ADD

Crap, I still have that song in my head! ("let's watch the monkey dance, anti-intellectualism . . .") Aaaargh!

Okay, the laundry's done but we have so much to clean before they get here Saturday!

Should we go kayaking? We need to buy food. What do they like to eat?

The house doesn't have to be perfect. Yes it does. But they're friends! Still.

My back hurts. Am I a hypochondriac? I like the word "hypochondrical." And "maniacal."

What up with this rash on my arm? T says it looks like I got nerve gassed or poisoned or something.

Shit, the herbal stuff I made doesn't work for it.

Do I need to go to the doctor?

I don't have time, that brief is due tomorrow.

Do I have enough paper? I'm low on ink.

Do I care? I should probably care.

When I just MEET my negative emotions, turn around and shake hands with my demons, they really do dissipate! Cool.

Mercurial, that's a good one.

The mortgage is due on the first. When am I going to get paid?

I wish it would rain, already.

I can't believe N was in that movie we saw last night! Pleasant surprise, I hope T e-mails him.

I'd really like a tincture press. That took too long (7 hours!) to press those herbs into extracts.

That damn song!

What is my purpose in life? Surely it isn't to be idle and flop around all day without focus?

I hate my job. Sometimes. How long can I keep juggling all of this?

I wrote that post about my fondness for Middle Eastern culture. I should write about how I spent 5 years dating Jewish guys and nearly converted. Why? Just to balance it?

That couple we met last night - could we do that? Have a vineyard? Nah, too much work. But we could grow something. Herbs? Permaculture is cool. We have the land and the climate.

We need a good greywater system. Poor T, his "honey do" list keeps growing. Rain barrels?

Do I have the attention span to stay interested in anything?

Am I turning into "Crazy Organic Lady"? That organic vodka was a find, though.

Hi, Mom. (Nino, Judy, Princess, Chris, Erin, etc. etc.) WHY did I tell everyone I had a blog?

Why do I do this, anyway? Why did T start a blog?

I would love to start a video blog. That would be fun. But there's the whole anonymity thing. And I hate my voice (can be monotonous, soft.) It's hard for me to be animated. I wish I were more extroverted. People think I'm confident. I guess I am but can't I be sort of quietly confident? I don't like loud noises or voices. I'm too thin-skinned for a video blog.

The concrete counter tops look great! I need to take a picture.

What about Thanksgiving?

Shit, what about Christmas?

I should make stuff, really be prepared this year.

I don't want to leave a mess for anyone to have to deal with when I die. Physically or financially. Or just an ordinary mess (papers, clothes, etc.) Neena, you can have my herbs. I want to be cremated. They use a lot of chemicals to preserve bodies, gross and toxic. Did we get enough life insurance? I'm morbid, I should  be less morbid.

I need to exercise.

I should really blog about something.

Laudable Links # 2

Click here to learn how create a video blog. (This guy is hilarious!)

* * *
So, in lieu of any real blogging, I’ll be bringing you this series of food horrors from the distant mists of ancient times. And trust me, these pictures are distinctly Lovecraftian. This is the food of madness!! . . . Behold, the nightmare that is "Eggs Casino"! (These pictures, the horror! But so, so funny.)

* * *

Indexed always makes me laugh A picture (or cute little graph or diagram on an index card, every day) is worth a thousand words. A sample:

***

What’s important is that we each make the best contribution we can.  If you’re working in a job you hate just to pay the bills, you’re robbing this wonderful planet of the real contribution you could be making.  I’m sure you have plenty of reasons why you must play it safe, but deep down you know they’re just fear-based excuses.  Would your excuses still seem rational if you felt no fear?  The world doesn’t need any more Einsteins working as patent clerks, no matter how worried they are about paying their bills. (Yeah, he's talking to YOU!)

That is all. Idea for this post shamelessly stolen from the overall (har har) blogger extraordinaire Jaquandor.

Thanksgiving

EDITED (If you saw the earlier post, forget all that for now. If not, no loss.):

Sometimes, the plans I make reveal themselves to be a cluster-fuck fascinating, unfolding journey.

A client of mine once said, "If you want to hear God laugh, show him your plans." Kinda religious for my tastes, but a good sentiment nonetheless.

The good news: The dogs are boarded, we have the time off and our calendars are clear that week! Some adventure awaits us  . . .

Eid Mubarak!

Blessed Eid, everyone. Today is Eid ul-Fitr, the Islamic holiday marking the end of Ramadan. This is generously a joyous, celebratory time for Muslims.

Because I have spent several years of my life in the Middle East, the Arabic language, food, culture and people are forever in my blood, my heart. Actually, because some of my close relatives are of Arab (being deliberately vague here) descent, this culture really is part of my blood.

Some people find solace in mac 'n cheese or Ben & Jerry's. My comfort foods are hummus, baba ganoush, tabbouleh, falafel, shish kebab, labneh, pita . . . If it has olive oil, garlic, eggplant, lemon - more, please!

What about the crazy islamofascist terrorists, etc.? Sorry, I don't know any. I'm pretty sure they are in the extreme minority, much like our crazy christofascist fundamentalists here. Though we are doing our part to increase those numbers, on both sides.

What I do know:

• Fatima had an infectious laugh, gorgeous huge brown eyes, and taught me how to belly dance.
• Omar's parents were so warm and generous, I had to be careful not to compliment anything, or they would give it to me.
• We were sitting on the floor around a huge feast of spiced rice and meat with some Bedouin in an expansive tent. My mother was offered the tongue (what a delicacy!) and my brother and I had to stifle our giggles while she ate some. We drank hot, sweet tea in glass mugs.
• Teenaged Arabic boys are just as silly and hormone-crazy as teenaged American boys.
• Tariq was so chivalrous to cut up my frog in biology class ~ I just couldn't do it.
• Karim had a crush on me, but Ali took me to prom.
• Places like Petra, obviously the Egyptian pyramids, the Dead Sea, Mecca (from as close as I was allowed) and famous Souk (market) in Damascus inspire awe and stillness.
• Of course there were some scary older men who spit in front of my feet once as I walked by.
• And, years later, the jerk manning a Burbank gas station who very charmingly asked, "And how are you, today, sharmuta? [whore]"
• To which I replied, "Just fine . . . and I speak Arabic." He wasn't expecting that.
• To this day, there are certain Arabic words and phrases my family and I automatically use, as they are more appropriate and have no adequate English equivalent. We'll say, "Inshallah" (God willing) when we hope something comes to pass, or "Mabruk!" (A nice, hearty congratulations.)

It is difficult to fear that which is known. I do not fear "Muslims" or "Islam" or "Arabs." How could I? Today, I join my Muslim brothers and sisters in celebration. (Well, except for the fact that I haven't fasted for a month or anything before today. And I'm not going to celebrate with the small number of crazies who want me dead. Details.)

And for your viewing pleasure, here are some rare pictures of a ragamuffin Jayne in the '70s, getting cozy with an islamofascist camel (jemel) and cat (bissa).

Ma’assalama! Until next time.

Personal Care for Masochists

So I mixed up a batch of Neena's Red Spicy Tooth Dirt of Utah. I couldn't get any prickly ash or bayberry bark. But I ground up the other bulk herbs (in a clean coffee grinder) and added the already ground herbs in the following proportions: 2 Tbs each of Cinnamon, baking soda, horsetail, echinacea, myrrh resin, and 1 Tbs of cayenne pepper. And I added 2 drops of peppermint essential oil, shook it all up and put it in an old, cleaned out spice bottle.

It looks like dirt, and when you spit it out, it's as if you brushed your teeth after eating a chocolate bar, gooey and brown. And the taste? At first (every time) it's like when you first hear a Justin Timberlake song on the radio. "Gah! Foul! Make it stop!" but then you slowly warm up to it.

By the end of the tooth-brushing, you've brought your sexy back, your teeth feel CLEAN and you can't get the taste out of your mouth for hours. Spicy! Slightly burning . . . but in a good way. Invigorating. If you like Altoids or Dentyne Fire gum, you might want to try it out.

So I followed up a spicy dirt toothbrushing with a shower using only Dr. Bronner's peppermint oil infused castile liquid soap and a washcloth. Washed my hair and everything with it ~ tingly, invigorating, refreshing! We always bring this soap with us camping because you can wash anything with it (dishes to faces) and it's biodegradable.

That little routine really woke me up this morning.

I was inspired to dig out my Dr. Bronner's soap after reading a cool little book ~ Clean House, Clean Planet by Karen Logan. In it, Logan describes about every cleaning scenario imaginable, discusses the commercial, often toxic and expensive "standbys" and offers cheaper, healthier, easy to make alternatives.

Basically, if you have a gallon of white vinegar, a bunch of baking soda, a box of Borox (in the laundry section) for tough jobs, some liquid castile soap (Dr. Bronners! At health food stores, some others), some club soda, distilled water and a few bottles of essential oils (peppermint, tea tree, eucalyptus, lemon, lavender all work, organic is best as pesticides can concentrate in these oils) ~ along with a few good spray and squirt bottles and some clean rags, you can clean anything cheaper, safer, and as effectively as commercial brands.

This is great if you have allergies, kids, pets or concerns about the environment or your health. (And also, of course, if you enjoy Sticking it to The Man.)

Examples:

~ Spray club soda (!) on glass, wipe it off. Works immediately, much better than Windex, much cheaper, and without the toxic ammonia. It's the sodium citrate or some such. (I had to try it and it blew my mind a little.)

~ Diluted (in distilled water, especially if you have hard water) white vinegar with some essential oils, makes a great floor cleaner.

~ A little box of baking soda with some drops of essential oil mixed in makes a great odor absorber (and sprinkled at the bottom of a kitty box will do wonders). A little baking soda with some peppermint essential oil works as an ace toothpaste if you run out.

~ Another good room freshener - put a cotton ball in an open jar, saturated with several drops of your favorite essential oil.

~ Have a ring of grime in your toilet? Use a pumice stone (it won't scratch the porcelain.)

There are some other recipes here (but they seem a bit more complicated than the ones in Logan's book).

Did I just get excited about cleaning? And write a post about brushing my teeth and taking a shower? Somebody slap me.

A Saner Ratio

John Gottman is a psychologist who studies marriages. He and his colleagues found after several experiments that couples who maintain a ratio of 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction are likely to remain together. Couples who do not maintain this 5:1 ratio are likely to get divorced. Moreover, couples are more likely to stay together if they follow certain patterns of communication during conflict:

"We conclude that the marriages that wound up happy and stable had a softened start-up by the wife, that the husband accepted influence from her, that he de-escalated low-intensity negative affect, that she was likely to use humor to effectively soothe him, and that he was likely to use positive affect and de-escalation to effectively soothe himself. The alternative to the active listening model suggested by these analyses is a model of gentleness, soothing, and de-escalation of negativity (negativity by one spouse is followed by the partner's neutral affect)." (Gottman, Coan, Carrere, & Swanson, 1988, Predicting marital happiness and stability from newlywed interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60, 5-22.)

Although Gottman studies marriages, I believe these findings can be extended to all relationships, including the blogger-reader one.

I'm going to try to keep my ratio of positive to negative posts and content a happier (or at least more amusing) 5:1, or better.

For example:

1 negative: Wednesday, I had to rush The Pilot to ER for slicing his hand open. His account of the incident, along with a gruesome picture (yes, we document our lives perhaps too enthusiastically) is on his blog here. I suppose it could have been worse, he is healing nicely (and has let me help clean it and put herbal concoctions on it - Epsom salt soak with tea tree oil to clean the stitched area, followed by calendula oil and goldenseal tincture to help seal it. PS goldenseal should only be put on clean wounds, as otherwise it can seal in dirt and infection.) I am good in emergencies - handing him a dishtowel, instructing him to put pressure on it while I get our insurance information together, grab the keys and put on my bra. [I hate bras. But you know what I hate more than bras? People staring at my nipples.]

1 positive: I love it that Muhammad Yunus from Bangladesh and his Grameen Bank won the Nobel Peace Prize for their micro lending program (tiny loans to the poorest of the poor, to help them get on their feet). These loans are almost all repaid and have positively impacted millions of poor families.

2 positive: The cutest little seedlings are emerging from the chamomile seeds I planted in flats 8 days ago.

3 positive: Another happy green surprise ~ I was watering this rosemary plant (yes, STILL no rain! It has been hot and dry here since May) and I startled a large praying mantis, who carefully picked herself out into the open and stared me down for a while. I love praying mantises (manti?) and have written about them before here. The last ones I saw were gray and dying, so it was a relief to  see a healthy, big, green one. (She's at the top, you may have to click to enlarge to see the water droplets and her alien head.)

4 positive: My organized (for the most part) apothecary. I love the way all of the dried herbs smell. This is my grandmother's china hutch, which she recently gave me before she moved. We don't have any china, but I think these jars fill the hutch quite nicely.

5 positive: On Saturday, we went on a little road trip and ended up at a monastery (New Clairvaux) where a very nice monk poured us some excellent wine.

Luadable Links #1

I am SHAMELESSly stealing this excellent concept from Byzantium Shores author Jaquandor, who offers intriguing weekly blog snippets in his Sentential Posts. Mitigating circumstances: 1) I've been meaning to copy this idea for months now; and 2) I do feel some shame.

The first post is the hardest.  How do you write "Hey, check me out!" and still come off as cool?  Beginnings and endings have always been hard for me to write.  I can't seem to get started, and once going, to then end gracefully and satisfactorily.  But I'm great at middles.  I believe that I can write middles with the best of them.

[The above is from The Pilot. Yeah, that one, the one who married me and just started his own blog, Earning Money Sleeping, now that mine has jumped the shark matured! Please go say hello!]

Hmmm...a possibly shady land deal involving a prominent national politician! Bring on the unending news coverage! Bring on the talk radio conspiracy theorizing! Bring on the independent prosecutors! Bring on the hearings in Congress! Bring on the -- oh wait, it doesn't involve a Democrat named "Clinton". Forget it, then.

* * *
Not that I need to tell any of you this (I’ve read your blogs), but this whole love thing is complicated.

* * *

Devilry I’d Enjoy Dreaming Up More than Actually Doing:
    1     composing a dessert recipe disguising brussels sprouts
    2     training the cat (ha!) to sit on the table to eat from plates to scandalize one certain guest.
    3     a huge honking bullwhip over the bed for guests to avoid looking at
    4     spend the night writing peace poetry in chalk on the sidewalk all around the US fortress embassy to offset its Cardassian architecture and gated setbacks.

* * *
I don’t want to lose the spontaneity of life, but I also don’t want to resent the passage of time. [Well said!]

* * *
It's usually not a good idea to open up a post with a defensive statement. I learned early on that the rules of successful blogging are really almost exactly the same as the rules for surviving an encounter with a cougar: make yourself look bigger than you actually are, make as much random noise as you can, do not back up and never, ever turn your back. Running away is out of the question, unless of course the question is "Would you like to be chased down, felled with a dental bisection of your carotid artery and then slowly devoured over a period of several weeks?" [Dude, for every sports post, I'm going to write an herb post, to the death.]